Dawn
by isabellthelooser
Summary: I'd never imagined the taste of blood could be so potent...so delicious. I loved it and craved it. I wanted both - her blood and her - but to get one I would have to risk the other. Stopping wasn't an option anymore... my version of MidnightSun,now chap 1
1. Preface

disclaimer: i do not own anything that is rightfully Stephenie Meyer's and i would never steal her glory! i especially do not own the passage i borrowed from her book, Twilight, which is located on page 273; the second to last paragraph, and rightfully belongs to none other than S.M. please don't sue!!

so, this is my version of the preface of Twilight frim Edward's perspective. it's how i imagine he feels in the climax of the story. i have to say that i owe a debt to krazykatie, who unknowingly inspired me to write my own midnight sun preface when i read her's. so if you get the time, read her's as well, because it's definitely worth doing!!!!!

also, i am planning to sometime write my own version of Midnight Sun, called Dawn, but i need to finish my other projects first, so if i can, i will write it soon, but until then: here's the preface! please review...i'd love to have some feedback on this!

-isabell the looser- ^^

**

* * *

**

Preface

Desire. Hate. Love. Insanity. Lust. Guilt. Envy. Fear. Temptation. Anger. Happiness. Hope. Horror. Pity. Rage. Remorse. Contempt. The feelings shook me; coursing through me like poisoned blood. No, I would not think about blood; but how could I not? It was everywhere: everything. My nose burned with the sweet stench, it made my stomach growl, the monster raged against its bonds.

For a moment I was fazed, knocked breathless by the sudden force of the monster, then I reclaimed control and slowed my heavy breathing. Air, it was thick with the metallic scent of blood; sweet blood. Again the monster raved, and I gasped; drawing in too large a breath. The scent overwhelmed me; clouded my vision. Had it always been so potent? Had I always wanted it _so_ badly? I looked away from the pooling liquid to the still, deathly-white body at my feet. Could I do this?

_Do it, now, before it's too late._ The words resounded through my skull, egging on the monster that stirred just below the surface of my flesh. The monster reached forward and lifted the pale white hand, testing. I screamed; the monster laughed. _Do it, now, before it's too late._ I wanted so badly to ram my skull; to run from the terrifying scene and get some fresh air; to think. _It's too late for that,_ the monster reasoned, _If you leave, she'll die. _

Love. What was once such an innocent feeling now drove me to the edge. I used to think I understood love; I'd read enough minds and seen enough displays of it to know how it worked, but this was a mystery. When you love someone, you don't fight; you give in. When you care about them, you don't take; you give. But how could I not fight, or take? What if I had nothing to give? _You can give her life,_ the monster coaxed; _It just takes one taste…_

I raised the hand to my lips, but did not give in; I waited, poised, still undecided. Angered by my resistance, the monster screamed and thrashed inside me. _Just one taste!_ It screamed, _Just let it be natural. Just a taste. _My grip tightened on the cold hand, my body bent over the lifeless form. Could I save her?

_If you don't try, you'll regret it for the rest of your existence. If you leave, she'll die. _My jaw tightened, saliva flooding my mouth; my stomach growled again, louder, expectant. _Just one taste._ I swallowed, blinked, then opened my eyes. All I could see was the blood; pooling, bubbling, dripping off my fingers. It was intoxicating. I blinked again, seeing the person who used to mean everything to me; now she was dying…now she was a feast.

I breathed deeply, swallowed, and bent far over the palm that waited in my grasp. I pressed my lips to the wrist, to the vivid bite marks; the start of a passionate kiss.

The blood flooded through me; bubbling over my tongue, oozing between my teeth. I swallowed one mouthful, preparing to withdraw. The taste and smell hit me at the same time the monster thrashed. The blood cleansed me; brought me out. I was the monster.

Instinct took over, and I drank deeper; like a dehydrated man given a pitcher of water, I began to drain the source. I wanted more, one mouthful wasn't enough; maybe the next would be. I would stop after the next…and the next…just one more. My eyes blazed, my stomach churned, I fed greedily.

_Just a taste…_ The words were foreign, I knew them; but didn't want to obey them. What was one more taste? A few more gulps? I drank deeper and deeper, drinking and drinking; feeding, giving in to instinct.

"_Isabella…Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me. The thougth of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush crimson again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable. You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."_

I drew back, but I could not stop the drinking; it was me now, the monster. I was the monster. It was me holding her wrist to my lips; me sucking the life from her; me who swore to never hurt her, and was now killing her. Anger flared in me, but I couldn't stop; could only drink less deeply, and hope that I had the strength. _I _was killing her. Me, not the monster; there was no monster, never had been from the beginning. It was always a lie; always myself I was fighting, just never wanting to admit it.

A scream echoed around me, but it was not mine; it was my victims, the one whom I was killing. My shoulders shook and droplets of blood splattered into my face. I let go of my hold on her, but I wasn't strong enough, and my teeth pierced her skin again. Another scream. Tears rolled down my cheeks, but they were red and glistening; hot. Blood. A fountain gushed down my chin, but I could not turn away; couldn't let go. I wasn't in control anymore…I couldn't stop.

Love. What was once such an innocent feeling now drove me to the edge.

"_I love you."_

* * *

first off, did it make any of you thirsty? when i reread it and my sister read it we both got really thirsty and i chugged like five glasses of water...which is weirdbecause i usually don't drink a whole lot of water. ...anyway, please review, and have a nice day!

A/N: sorry about the gore! O_o


	2. Chapter 1: First Sight

this is the first chap of twilight from edward's POV. i hadn't planned on putting this up here, but then i thought "why not?"

here it is!!!

**

* * *

**

**First Sight**

In the Olympic Peninsula of northeast Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. My family and I have lived in this town for close to three years, and in all those years nothing has changed. Now something's in motion, and it will change everything.

Alice, my premonistic sister, was the one who first saw her; Jasper was second, I was third. She saw the girl; tall, slim, warm chocolate-brown eyes, pale albino skin. It was dark in her _vision_; a pitch black gloom. She saw me there, too, and that's what scared me. I was killing her.

I'd made Alice and Jasper swear to secrecy, but both were easily susceptible to certain people's prying. Carlisle would no doubt notice the change in me – in us – and attempt to console us. Jasper would be the one to cave, but so would I if given the right amount of sympathy; I couldn't blame him for that. Esme would eventually wheedle it out of Carlisle; and Emmett would hold Alice hostage until she gave in. Emmett would boom it loud enough for the whole world to hear, and Rosalie, of course, would be within hearing distance.

I didn't doubt they all knew by now. I could check, but why bother? I didn't want to hear Alice's consoling thoughts, or feel Jasper's calming waves of emotion; I didn't want to listen to Esme translating the Bible into Romanian, or Carlisle's attempts to fool me into thinking he didn't know. I knew they knew, but didn't care.

I trusted myself - knew that I wasn't so weak as to give in to the call of some ignorant, foreign little girl's blood. I had been denying _the call_ for over eighty years; this child's blood was no different.

_Isabella Swan._ My lip curled over my teeth at the vile name. I glared out my window at the steadily falling rain. She would be arriving in Port Angeles soon, according to father, Chief Swan. That meant I had exactly eleven hours and sixteen minutes before I had to face her.

I glanced around my semi-cluttered room. What was there to do? Since we – my family and the others like us – can't and don't sleep, it is sometimes insanely boring during the night hours. Usually I listen to music or do extra credit homework, but tonight I felt that those would not entertain me. My body felt like a tangle of nerves; a ball of energy with nowhere to go.

I began to pace back and forth between the window and the door; winding my way through mounds of crumpled papers and old, tattered textbooks. My eyes skimmed the room; darting from the overflowing shelves of books, to my CD collection, over my stereo, to the window. The rain had picked up, and it was now pouring. I flopped down onto my black-leather couch, staring more intently out into the sheeting rain.

Clouds once again governed the sky; cloaking the midnight blue sky I knew was up there somewhere, and hiding the stars. In my opinion, stars were the prettiest things in the universe; small twinkling balls of gas.

Someone once commented to me that stars were the most insignificant things in the universe; you see them only at night, and even then only when it's clear, and by the time you spot them they're already dead. But to me that makes them all the more significant. If they're so rarely seen, doesn't it make the time of seeing special? If stars are so insignificant, then why do people stargaze? Why do we hang them on trees at Christmas and are given them to show accomplishment? Why do we name them if they're so unimportant?

I wonder if Isabella Swan is looking up now, too, from her room, asking herself the same questions. Probably not. Esme once commented to me that I am way more perceptive than normal people; even most vampires don't think things through as much as I do. Does that make me smart, or weird?

Five hours pass as I decipher this question; when that was done I move on to the meaning of life, then recited the definitions to most of my vocabulary (the stock of words used by or known to a particular people or persons). When my string of words and definitions ran dry, I began to inventory all my personnel belongings and started singing the Star Spangled Banner in Portuguese. Finally, when all my other assets failed me, I moved on to merely sitting, dazed, picking at a loose thread on a cushion and humming Starlight Starbright over and over in my head.

Despite my attempts to drown her out, Isabella Swan still floated in the back of my mind; like an aftertaste that won't go away. By the time the sun was beginning to lighten the murky clouds to a dull pale gray, I was flat on my back, staring at the ceiling, looking for pretty pictures in the plaster. Finally it was time to leave.

We all arrived at the cafeteria at the same time, like always, and we each bought our individual lunches as usual, then we sat at our table, like normal. What wasn't normal was the flurry of thoughts that had been bombarding me all day, and then, in the crowded cafeteria, drowned me. It seemed that the whole male population was in an uproar, every boy thinking the same dirty thoughts; the girls were all the same, too, though they had the opposite opinion.

_I wonder if she's single,_ mused Tyler Crowley.

_Wrap her up,_ thought a short boy with braces, _I'll take two!_

Mike Newton had the nerve to think: _Maybe she'll go out with me. I just hope the others haven't gotten to her first._

_I can't believe she has the nerve to just show up here and then throw herself at every boy who passes!_ scoffed Lauren, an arrogant, ugly girl from my French class.

The thought that stuck with me the most, though, was Jessica Stanley's. _So, she noticed the Cullens. Well, better not get your hopes up, dear, them weirdoes will have nothing to do with anyone; especially not you!_ With her thoughts came a strong mental picture of the subject of everyone's mental wars; a tall, pale, heart-shape faced brunette.

I glanced at Jessica out of the corner of my eye, and saw her lean across the table to talk to someone. Was it _her_?! I cocked my head to listen to their discussion.

"Who are _they_?" a soft voice asked; I didn't recognize the voice, so it must have been her.

Jessica's thoughts immediately jumped to us – or rather, to me; for I was the one she had always had the hots for. In her mind's eye I saw a perfect reflection of myself; lanky, dark-eyed, with bronze hair – a god in her standards. _You don't have a chance with __**any**__ of them, especially Edward Cullen; he's mine._

It was then, as I cursed her to a life in Hell, that I caught a glimpse of _her_. Even from a glance she was beautiful…maybe, just slightly; it had to do with the deep chocolaty eyes that latched onto you when she stared. And that was another thing; why was she staring?

I continued to watch her from the corner of my eye as I skimmed her mind for the reason for her wide-eyed gaze…but there was nothing…not even a blank mind. Sometimes, when people are trying to ignore something they can think about nothing (I can never master it, but hey!), but this girl; this strange girl, had nothing. It was like an empty void where her thoughts should have been; like a black hole, without the hole. It was empty nothingness.

I shot the girl a glance, but she was still there, still staring. Well, that didn't mean anything; sometimes when someone's thinking extremely hard they actually block their thoughts. But still, there was something strange about her.

_Edward, _Jessica thought, and, curious, I turned my head and looked openly at both of them – especially the new girl. She was thin, not athletic, but naturally slim, with slight curves. Her hair was mahogany-brown and fell to the middle of her back; her deep eyes seemed almost too deep, like if you looked close enough you could see into her soul.

She immediately turned away when she saw me looking, and her hair fell over her shoulder in a wave to hide her face. _Coward_. I looked away, too, though, irritated. Was this girl just playing with me? Jessica looked away also, giggling like an idiot.

"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." Along with Jessica's hushed whisper there came a vivid picture of each of us. Rosalie was first; tall, beautiful (to human eyes), with wavy golden hair; this picture was mingled with jealousy. Emmett was after that; immensely muscled like a weightlifter, with dark, curly hair. After that was Alice; short and pixie-like, with spiky black hair, a graceful lilt. Next, Jasper; tall and lean, a handsomely muscular honey blonde. I, of course, was last, though my picture was more in-depth, as if she'd dissected every aspect of me in great detail. In her eye I was tall and lanky but still handsome, with bronze-colored hair that was swept untidily by the wind, with the pale skin and dark purple-ringed eyes that belonged to all of us, but only I bore in her mind.

I picked apart my bagel, staring intently down at the crumbling pieces as if I were concentrating, and wasn't eavesdropping on their conversation. I sensed the girl's eyes on me again, but I ignored her, still listening.

"They are very…nice-looking." It seemed as if she was struggling to find a word to describe us; I thought vampire was a good one.

"Yes!" I heard Jessica squeal, "They're all _together_ though – Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they _live_ together." And this is a crime, how? Her voice was thick with criticism.

The new girl shot me a look but quickly looked away again. "Which ones are the Cullens? They don't look related…"

"Oh, they're not." Jessica interrupted impatiently, "Dr. Cullen is really young, in his twenties or thirties. They're all adopted. The Hales _are_ brother and sister, twins – the blondes – and they're foster children."

_What's going on with the new girl, Ed?_ Emmett smiled at me across the table; Rosalie glanced from him to me, then frowned and looked away. I waved my hand at him, "Tell you in a minute." I wanted to hear the rest of their conversation.

"They look a little old for foster children," the girl was saying, peeking over at me. I concentrated on arranging my bagel pieces back together. Emmett grinned at me over the table, his own bagel-art displaying a smiley face with fangs; he smiled wider and pointed at Rosalie, who elbowed him hard in the ribs without even turning around. Jasper was doodling absentmindedly on his plate with pizza sauce.

I returned to my eavesdropping.

"They are now," Jessica replied, "Jasper and Rosalie are both eighteen, but they've been with Mrs. Cullen since they were eight. She's their aunt or something like that." She frowned and examined a bagel chunk of her own.

The new girl raised her eyebrows. "That's really kind of nice – for them to take care of all those kids like that, when they're so young and everything."

"I guess so," Jessica admitted; her thoughts betrayed her to the jealous feelings she usually stashed away. Who knew someone as little as her could hold so much envy. "I think that Mrs. Cullen can't have any kids, though." You think? Hello, vampire!

I felt both their gazes on me so I turned to the wall and traced the pale design with my eyes. I tried to act bored as I waited for the question that I knew she would eventually ask.

"Have they always lived in Forks?" Okay, that was unexpected.

"No," was Jessica's quick reply. She wanted this discussion over with so she could stare at us without being distracted. _Stupid, popular, question-asking…person!_ She thought. Wow, now that was sad; not even a good insult. "They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska," she finished.

At this a strange expression flickered across her face; relief, maybe…pity?! Wow. Who would pity us and why? Who wouldn't want to live forever and stay exactly the same for the rest of your life and never have to sleep? Why would this girl pity _me_?

I went straight to her mind for the answers I seeked, as I did with pretty much everything that intrigued me; but once again I was thwarted. Once again all I got was empty, black, nothingness. Was this girl completely mental or something? Did she have some sort of disorder? I looked over at her, half expecting her to start drooling or make a wild, random movement; a twitch or something.

Again nothing, but she did blush bright red when I caught her staring; at least I knew she didn't have a heart disease or blood dysfunction. She stared at the table, peeking up at me from under her eyelashes. I turned away, too, trying not to smirk.

"Which is the one with the reddish brown hair?"

My head snapped up instinctively, but I quickly ducked it back down. _This_ was the question I'd been waiting for; surely she would have some kind of thought when Jessica gave her the rundown on our little episode.

"That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him." Jessica's thoughts immediately replayed the scene I was thinking about, too: the day she asked me to the Spring Dance last year; when I blatantly refused. I almost felt bad for her, but then her voice turned winy, and I lost all respect for her.

_Deal with it,_ I thought darkly, but I smiled just the same at her sad, sad little thoughts. A quick glance in the girl's direction showed that she was smiling, too, and I realized that she understood exactly what had happened between us without even asking. Maybe the girl wasn't completely mental after all.

_So, what was that about?_ Emmett asked once the girls had finished their discussion.

I spoke softly and quickly so that onlookers wouldn't be able to hear or read my lips. "Jessica Stanley was giving the new girl a "brief" rundown of the Cullen family history, plus a bonus monologue containing descriptions of all of us, and a look into the heart of Jessica herself."

Jasper glanced up at us from his pizza – he was now drawing a detailed portrait of Alice – and grinned as he got the concept of the conversation. Emmett smirked and nudged Rosalie; she looked up from her hair, which she was twirling around her finger, to Emmett, and shot him a glare. I smirked but it faded quickly, and I glanced again at the weird girl.

A few minutes passed and then it was time for sixth period, and we all stood to leave. Immediately I felt the girl's eyes on us, but I ignored her as did the rest of my family, and we exited the cafeteria. I headed for sixth hour biology, and like always, I was the first to my table, which was also the only one with an empty seat; everyone else had a partner.

I was just taking out my books when I heard Angela Weber's thoughts.

_Wow, she's almost as quiet as I am. I wonder if I should say something, but what? _

Then I saw _her_. She paused to hang up her coat like the others, and then she followed Angela through the door. Her gaze shot around the room, her skin turning slightly darker, then she spied me and her eyes widened. She seemed to notice at the same time I did that we would have to sit together.

Her eyes kept flickering up to me as she walked up my aisle to the teacher's desk. I prepared myself so I could ignore her perfectly for the rest of the year; but then, as she was passing my desk, I caught her scent.

It was like nothing I had ever smelled before in my life. It was floral somehow; freesia, and it was so potent it burned my nose. I could almost taste the smell, like when you smell something delicious like chocolate or cookies baking in an oven; I could almost taste her blood. I could feel it racing through her veins, hear her heart pounding, and smell it as her cheeks turned pink.

My mouth watered and I unconsciously leaned forward out of my seat, towards her. The monster in me, which I had fought back so many times before, raged forward and momentarily took over. It reached out my hand to her throat, but in the split second that it took me to fight back, I'd withdrawn my hand and none of the children around me had even noticed. I sank deeper into my seat and swallowed. The smell burned down my throat and up my nose.

In the second it took her to pass my table I went rigid; afraid I might reach out again and connect this time, afraid the monster would win. When she glanced down at me I forgot about everything I had prepared; I didn't sit perfectly still or doodle on my paper, I didn't hold my breath or reach down to tie my shoe. I forgot to be careful and hide my emotions from this girl who was destined to unearth the monster in me; I forgot everything, except that I was a vampire, and she was a meal.

My hand clenched around the lip of the table, and I glared up at her. I knew I must have looked deranged, but that's how I felt. I didn't have the strength to modulate the monster _and_ my appearance. Instead I focused on the one that needed me the most, and unleashed my patronizing glare on her. Maybe she'd get so scared she'd change classes, or even just leave.

She met my gaze, and when she did I saw my reflection in her wide eyes. Two coal black eyes glared back at me; the monster burning under the irises. I heard her gasp and watched as she tripped over a carelessly dropped book and caught herself on my neighbor's desk.

Once she was out of range I looked away and concentrating on my behavior. I clenched my jaw, gritted my teeth, thought only of things that would distract me; but nothing could get that heavenly scent out of my head. It was a perfume, and now that I had been sprayed with it, it would be a while before it would wear off. I hoped that would be soon, because the girl was returning to my table with our teacher, Mr. Banner's, signature and a biology book.

She didn't look over at me as she set the book down and sat carefully in her seat beside me. The perfume from her skin hit me again as her hair shifted, and the monster flared inside me.

_Food, food, food._ It cried. I felt it start to take over; it wanted her blood, but there were too many witnesses. I could feel it manifesting under my skin; it wanted to be closer to its victim, so I slid my chair as far as possible from the girl, turning my face away in the hopes that I wouldn't have to smell her. I could still smell her, and it made my mouth flood with saliva. I wanted her; I wanted her blood. My hand twitched toward her just as she opened her book, and it reached out for her arm. Thankfully someone walked in late to class at that precise moment and blew clear air into my face, and I caught it before I grabbed her and moved it back to my side of the table. I clenched it tight on my leg; tighter than I ever had before, and the tendons stuck out under the opaque skin of my forearm.

From the corner of my eye I saw the girl sniff her hair, and then glance at me; did she think she smelled _bad_? If only she knew the truth: that her smell was driving me crazy. If only she knew that she was in danger; that I could kill her at any moment. If only she'd _leave_.

As Mr. Banner started she inconspicuously let her hair fall over her shoulder like a wall between us. I stiffened in my seat and shrank to the ultimate edge, not daring to breath. Class passed incredibly slowly; maybe because I was so stressed and anticipated the ringing of the bell, or maybe because I was fighting the entire time not to jump up and kill every single person in the small room. Maybe it was because I held my breath and didn't dare move a muscle for fear of aggravating the monster.

The best assumption I could come up with was that every time she breathed, or shifted, or her heart beat, it was like every cell in my body wanted her and fought unendingly against my dwindling resistance. As the seconds ticked by I began to plot; to scheme. I could ask her to meet me after school in some deserted place, or merely follow her home. If I got her engaged in conversation, maybe she wouldn't notice if I led her out into the woods. I could also simply reach over and grab her; if I broke a limb or two she'd stay still while I finished off the others. I would kill the ones closest to the door, and Mr. Banner, and then start picking them off one by one before anyone heard their screams.

The monster shivered in pleasure as I pictured myself finishing off the last child – snapping Mike Newton's neck – then turning to the girl. I imagined how she'd scream, cradling an arm or a leg and try to escape. I'd be over her in half a second, picking her up by the neck. I would smile and reveal to her my sharp bone-white teeth, then bend over her throat. I could almost smell her blood; taste it. After I was done I would hold her back and gaze into her wide, empty eyes as she breathed her last breath. "You shouldn't have come here," I'd tell her, "This is what you get when you mess with people who are stronger than you: you get hurt."

The girl shifted beside me in her chair, and I came out of my vision, twitching slightly. Mr. Banner was still droning on; I still had about ten minutes. That was plenty long enough to take them all, and then destroy the evidence. Escaping the scene would be the easy part since we move at almost three times the normal human speed; they'd never catch me, or suspect me.

Out of nowhere a single, incredibly clear thought popped into my head. _What the hell is wrong with Cullen? God, it looks like he's in pain! I wonder what's wrong with the fellow. Did Isabella stab him with a pencil or something?_

I growled inaudibly. I didn't need Newton's sympathy. But something in his words struck something in me. Pain; I wasn't in pain. But I'd been about to cause it; lots of it. That stuck, too. I wasn't supposed to cause pain, was I? No, I fed on animals; I didn't drink human blood! Newton was right for once; something **was **wrong with me! God, what was wrong with me; trying to kill all these innocent children? I was the lowest of the low.

I jerked away from the girl beside me as her scent hit me again, harder, if possible. I glared down at her fiercely now; she had almost made me expose us! She had almost made me my worse fear! _I should just kill her for doing that_, I thought. But then Carlisle's voice popped into my head, saying his favorite saying. _No blood, no foul._ And he was right, I hadn't done anything wrong; I hadn't spilled any blood.

That thought conjured pictures in my head, too; pictures of my family. Emmett and Rosalie standing together; Rosalie in Emmett's arms, both smiling. Then Alice and Jasper; curled up side by side on our couch watching a baseball game, Jasper's hand gently stroking through Alice's spiky hair then down her collarbone, she twisted to kiss his hand as it trailed along her shoulder. Next was my mother and father; both standing in the doorway into the living room, watching their children. Carlisle slowly wrapped his arm around his wife's waist, and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him, both smiling.

I blinked and tried to clear my head, but the pictures wouldn't fade; instead changing into candid shots of each. Alice, her normal self, arms behind her back, smiling innocently, her head tilting to the side making her look like an innocent child. Following her were Emmett, and then Carlisle; both standing in the same position: one arm raised, Carlisle's to his head, and Emmett's extended out of the picture grabbing for Rosalie. Emmett's smile covered his entire face, his eyes scrunched like he was mid-laugh. Carlisle's was softer but just as exuberant; his eyes, slightly weary from a day's work, were bright with semi-tolerance. Esme was standing in the kitchen, watering one of our many plants, her smile endearing and slightly annoyed. Rosalie was glaring threateningly at the camera, but her lips were lifted at the corners; the top of Emmett's dark head was visible, his lips touching her neck. Jasper was last, his hands jammed deep in his pockets, his face flat and emotionless, happiness and laughter visible in his dark ocher eyes.

Why was I doing this? How could I have even thought those horrid thoughts? How was I so tempted to risk not only my life, but theirs, if I got caught? We would have to leave, and live somewhere less cloudy; somewhere where we'd live in the darkness like real vampires. Was I willing to risk their happiness and safety? The answer was simple: no. How could I have even considered all those things? I really was a monster.

I glanced over at the girl just as she did. Her cheeks reddened, her eyes widening as she met my gaze; and I felt my gaze turn icy. It was all this frail human's fault! It was her fault I had considered those things; she was the reason I was suffering like this.

The girl shrank away from me, flinching, and edging to the far side of her chair like me. I heard her heart pick up, and the rhythm almost made me contemplate killing her again; how could humans stand such an annoying sound?

Just then, as I shifted towards her, my hand outstretched, the bell rang, signaling that class was finally over, and I changed motives; grabbing my books off the table and lurching out of my seat. I disappeared out the door before any of the other's had even registered the bell's ringing. As I passed through the doorway, the phrase _saved by the bell_ suddenly ran through my mind. I laughed at the irony, and then abruptly stopped.

Waiting just outside the biology door was Alice, leaning against the brick wall. As I approached and she spotted me, she raised her eyebrow at me.

"What?" I snapped.

She raised her eyebrow at me again and answered me with her thoughts. _I just saw you kill eighteen children and a teacher, and you say 'What?' _

I sighed and strode away in the direction of my next class; she shrugged away from the wall and danced to my side. She followed me, not quite able to keep up with my long strides, and bombarded me with thoughts.

_So, are you going to tell me what happened, or do I have to guess?_

I ignored her and took longer steps. I didn't want to talk about it; I didn't want to think about it. I was embarrassed by both my thoughts and my actions; I'd let her get to me after all, and that made me weak.

_Hello, Earth to Edward! What happened?!_

I felt her dainty hand on my shoulder, and I spun around to face her, already yelling by the time my feet were planted again.

"What, Alice?!"

I expected her to retreat from my anger, but she held her ground; folding her arms across her chest. _Edward, did you kill them? Tell me, now. _

A million replies came to mind, but none of them were very nice. I thought of telling her to piss off and leave me alone, but I hadn't cussed in front of a girl in my life, and I wasn't about to start. Instead I tried to calm down; people were starting to exit their classes, and were staring.

I drew in a ragged breath through my teeth and tried to relax my locked jaw. I glanced down at my sister. "No," I whispered. "I didn't. Okay?"

A grin spread across her face and she turned back into her normal bouncy self. "Good," she sang, "Then, if nothing happened, I won't have to tell the others you're leaving, right?"

This confused me, but then it kind of made sense. I'd made a decision to leave without even noticing. Now that I thought about it, it made perfect sense. If Isabella Swan wouldn't leave, then I would. I smiled down at my favorite sister and ruffled her hair. "Thanks, Alice," I told her, grinning, "That's a good idea; I wouldn't have thought of it by myself!"

Her smile faded quickly. "Edward, no. No, you can't leave."

I raised my eyebrows at her; daring her to try to stop me.

Her face turned pleading. "At least…at least _try_ to deal with!" She pleaded, "Switch classes, or something. Talk to Carlisle about it. Drop out…I don't care! Just stay; stay with us!" Her lip jutted out pitifully.

I paused, considering. I guess I could try; I didn't have to leave, I would just avoid Isabella Swan. I smiled again, "Okay, Alice, I'll try."

She smiled again and bounced in a circle. "Thanks, Edward!" she called. People turned their heads to watch her disappear, and then their eyes flickered back to me.

Yes, I would try everything humanly possible to stay, but I would leave if left no other option. I had to admit, it would be difficult and Esme wouldn't let me go without a fight, but I'd make her understand. It would hurt me to leave, but if I had to, then I would.

I headed to my French class with a plan building in my head.

"What do you mean 'You can't switch me'? There has to be an empty slot…there just has to be!" I glared down at the receptionist as she looked through her scheduling book. When she looked back up at me she looked glum.

"Nope, I'm sorry." She laid her list aside, leaning toward me across the counter. _If only he weren't so young…_ She pondered, _I wish I'd worn my red blouse now. Dang!_ I unconsciously leaned away; I wasn't used to human's being too close, and I needed space at the moment.

I turned my gaze on her again after examining her list myself. "Well, what about Physics? I could catch up in that class if you switched me."

She sighed and looked again at her list, reading it uncommonly slow; it was aggravating. I thought about telling her to read faster, but at that moment I heard the door open and she glanced up at the sound of the ringing bell.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen, there's just nothing else I can do." She smiled sweetly up at me, and my nose wrinkled; she smelled like wet dog, and her lipstick was bleeding into the cracks in her lips. Humans could be so unsanitary sometimes.

"Well, how about Chemistry?" I began, but at that moment the door opened a second time, and the icy wind gushed through the doors. It caught scents from all around the room, carrying them straight to me. There was the smell of the rain outside, the stench of vomit and old blood coming from the nurse's office a little ways off, and then the smell of…freesia?

I inhaled deeper, confused, and instantly regretted it. The smell overwhelmed me, again, and as Samantha Wilder dropped her note in the basket beside me and retreated, I swung around to where Isabella Swan stood, looking terrified, beside the doors. In her hand was her teacher's slip, and it was shaking. Her face paled as she met my gaze.

Abruptly I turned back to the receptionist, and angrily yelled at her, desperate to escape the heavenly scent emanating from that one person… "Never mind, then," I barked, "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."

The poor lady shrank from me, and I momentarily thought of how easy it would be to just take the girl in here; there would only be one extra body once Samantha left. Then the pictures hit me again; vivid ones, and I staggered back from the counter, appalled at myself for thinking those things, and literally ran out the door before I could act on my thoughts.

My thoughts were racing as I ran to my car: a silver Volvo, and turned the key in the ignition. My siblings weren't here yet, but I couldn't trust myself to wait; I might be tempted to…but I couldn't even think the thoughts, afraid that they might encourage me. They could run home; Alice would tell them what happened, and hopefully they'd understand. I hoped Alice would be the one to tell Esme, and that Jasper would be there to help her through the discussion; I didn't have the courage or the willpower to spend another second in Forks. I would go to the hospital, though, Carlisle deserved to know what was going on, and then I would off…but to where?

I spun my car from its space with ease; the tires squealing and protesting as I raced forward at nearly 40 mph. A few faces turned to watch me exit, and then I was free and racing through the familiar town streets. I rolled down the windows even though it was raining, and let the air circulate through the car and buffet my face; it helped to wipe away the last remnants of the girl's scent, and clear my head.

The speed dial hit one hundred as I raced down a side street. Closing my eyes, I let the rain pelt my face and raised my hands above my head; letting the steering wheel do its own thing. I had only one thought: _I have to escape…_

_

* * *

_

hope you enjoyed it and don't boycott it. though i don't plan on updating for a while, i would still appreciate some nice juicy reviews!!! XD

thank you to all who have already reviewed!

-isabell the looser-


End file.
